A Satirical Look As The Fly On The Wall

We imagine being a fly on the wall in a satirical look at a meeting where the School Board, Superintendent and several employees got together to discuss a strategy to push forth with consolidation and ultimately the bond referendum. Here’s how we imagine it might have gone:

“We know we want this consolidation. Now, how do we make it happen?”

“I’ve been on the Board for years, we’ll propose a bond. We’ll say it’s for the children and it’ll go through. The residents eat up that ‘for the children’ argument, it’ll be easier than you think.”

“Who could be the voice for it?”

“We’ll find someone to use as the front. Our hands will be clean.”

“Dr Chase can proctor the meetings. Get it, the school terminology?” 

“But what if they have questions about the Board?”

“Easy, we’ll say it wasn’t us, it was a previous Board.”

“What if they bring up the cost of the loan? “

“And the interest?”

“We’ll just say it’s for the principle.”

“The interest on the loan is on the NYS BoE website, no?”

“Just say it’s for the principle. Keep saying it’s for the principle.”

“Hey, talk about transition. That’s not something that can be quantified.”

“Yeah, and that new buildings don’t need maintenance.”

“About that, what if they bring up the lack of maintenance to the buildings?”

“Pay attention. It wasn’t us.”

“Yeah, but weren’t you two guys there?” 

“What if they bring up the bad image of Woodlands, the fights, the stabbings?”

“Focus on the younger grades.”

“Let’s tout some information that makes us look good.”

“Like...?”

“96% of Woodlands seniors graduate.”

“What if they ask about the others?”

“Not everybody graduates. Get over it. It’s a fact of life.”

“Use the Mandarin agenda. I just don’t know if that’ll fly with President Trump and the China stuff that’s happening.”

“This is Greenburgh, its all democrats. Don’t worry about him.”

“How about our SAT scores. They’re below college readiness?”

“Just say we’re working to raise them. We have tutoring and special prep classes.”

“What if they question needing tutoring and special prep classes?”

“Grades 3-8 have a 35% proficiency in math and English.” What do we say to that?”

“(Chuckle)C'mon people. That’s why they’re in school, to learn. We’re working on that too with prep and special instruction classes. We’re working to produce world class students.”

“People are fleeing New York State in record numbers. Enrollment everywhere is declining. What do we say to that?”

“Try saying this: This will raise property values and bring people to our Town and schools.”

“Really?”

“It could work.”

“You just have to sell it.”

“Push that we have good teachers.”

“We do have good teachers.”

“Push it.”

“What if they bring up the past superintendent, what’s his name?”

“It wasn’t us, it was a previous Board.”

“Ronald Ross.”

In unison, “It wasn’t us.”

“New buildings will be nice. Can we get some of those soft, eye catching watercolor pictures from the architects to use?”

“Yes! Good idea. That always works on the Town Board. They’ll approve anything with a pretty picture.”

Good point. You know Supervisor Feiner is looking to put up his own bond for $49 million dollars.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, he wants to replace the police station and courts and was going to do a referendum this year too.”

‘This sucks.”

“Don’t worry, this will pass. We just need to make sure we get the parents out to vote.”

“I have an idea.”

“Open to anything at this point.”

“Why not have a talent show that night at the high school. Parents and their kids will come and we’re guaranteed to get them to vote!”

“Excellent!”

“Let’s do it, it’s brilliant!”

“Getting back to the topic at hand, should we order pizza?”

“We’re allowed to.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“I have a different issue I want to discuss.”

“Go ahead.”

“What if they bring up the seniors or fixed-income folks and their inability to afford this?”

“They’ll move.”

“You still don’t understand the dynamic here, do you?”

“Huh?”

“In order for us to get what we want, we need kids in the district. Legals, illegals, it doesn’t matter. Feiner has made this a sanctuary Town. That means everyone gets to stay wherever they are and come to us for a free education.”

“Pay attention to what I'm going to say. Senior citizens live here. Their taxes go up and their fixed incomes don’t. When it gets to be more than they can bear, they sell their homes and move out. The new people who can afford to buy a house, do. Then they simply include their taxes in their mortgage payment and they don’t even know what they’re paying in taxes. It’s a veritable legal Ponzi scheme”

“It’s like what we’re doing with the $114.6 and not saying anything about the $83 million dollars in interest.”

“About that. I’m still confused about how much we are actually borrowing if the $114.6 includes the interest. It seems like it would be less than the $79 million figure we’ve said is needed to refurbish.”

“Who did this math?”

“Dunno.” 

“Seriously, how can the $114.6 million include the interest? Is that what we are borrowing or the amount we’re paying off? And what about increased traffic?”

“We don’t control the roadways. New York State and the Town do.”

“Yeah but it’s bound to come up.”

“Again, just say it isn’t us. We can skate on most of this traffic stuff.”

“There is a Town traffic study that goes against ours. It isn’t helping us.”

“We can get traffic studies to say whatever we want. Don’t worry about that.”

“Is there anything else we can brag about?”

“How about 90% of our graduates go onto college?”

“Yeah, that works.”

“What else?”

“C’mon, we need more. 

“We have a secondary honors program.”

“I still don’t know what that means…”

“We have an Elementary Advanced Learning Program.”

“Talk about how selling Highview And Bailey will bring in $20 million dollars that we can use toward Woodlands.”

“What if we don’t get $20 million dollars?”

“Not our problem. We can say the market dropped or there was more remediation needed than we planned for.”

“I’m not comfortable with doing that.”

“Talk about having an expanded Pre-K program that goes all day.”

“Can everyone use it?”

“Of course not. It’ll be the same as what we have now except it’ll go all day. Doubt we can add anyone else to it.”

“If they ask about the new auditorium and sports press box, what do we say?”

“This is going to be a state-of-the-art facility. Don’t our children deserve this?”

“How can we counter someone who says the kids are already doing well in the current facilities?”

“Just imagine how much better they could be doing.”

“So, just how bad off are these buildings that haven’t been maintained?”

“Hey, they work. We can swap out windows, doors, boilers and roofs and be much better off for less. But we want new. New is better. That has to be our mantra.”

“Ok, let’s take it to the streets.”

“Meeting adjourned. Where’s that pizza?”